I Just Remembered... Or Did I?

When my daughter was five, I began a relationship with a man who had a five year old boy. For quite a few years we tried to pound that square peg in a round hole, but it just didn't work. He's married now, but he was a father figure to my daughter, and they remain close.

His son and my daughter were polar opposites. My daughter was an "angel baby", never an issue. She minded me, was (is) as smart as a tack, was responsible, self sufficient, conversational... just smart. I didn't realize then, even though my mom told me, she was exceptional. David's son, on the other hand, was wild, always pushing the limits. He would stare off in la la land when David would attempt to explain something to him. He couldn't sit still for three minutes. To be quite honest, it drove me nuts.

The irony is that I now have a five year old boy, and he is exactly as Caleb was. I often think back at how impatient I was with Caleb (internally, not so much toward him), and I have a tinge of regret. David once cried when a counselor told him that Caleb was likely ADD, and medicine might be beneficial (an option he chose not to take). My son, Raymond, often has the same effect on me as Caleb did. He is such a handful; at times it just wears me thin. The difference is, when it's *your* child, it's different. You connect on a level that is all forgiving; you know he can't help it, and in so many other ways he is awesome.

Caleb is now 15, and a rather quiet young man. He's always been an awesome athlete, and now he's setting running records in his freshman year. His future is bright and exciting; he's already being eyed by coaches. The same energy that drove him as a five year old is now driving him to excel in cross country and track (and he'd have other options if he wasn't focusing on those).

I dated a guy last year who had a difficult time accepting Raymond; his kids were into TV and videos and were very controlled and submissive, where as Ray is curious and questioning, and would rather be hitting balls, playing soccer, or doing anything outside. His judgement of Ray made me feel terrible, and stressed me out when we were all together. When Ray got his first bike without training wheels last summer, he wanted to take it on the trail while I ran. He rode that thing six miles with me chasing behind him! Not bad for a first ride. The feeling of someone judging him made me so ill at ease; I know he's is not only going to be fine, but he's going to be awesome!

We were having dinner last week with David, his wife, and Caleb for my daughter's 15th birthday, and Raymond was being his usual excitable self. There was a lull in the conversation and Raymond piped up "HEY, I just remembered!" David and I were sitting on either side of him, and we both looked at him expectantly. He just kind of looked at us like "what the hell are you guys staring at". David and I both just cracked up laughing. As quick as he "just remembered" he evidently just forgot, and his mind was off to the next thing.