Status

I saw my doctor a couple weeks ago and he said my blood tests "looked good". Great news! The blood was drawn while I was on the thyroid hormone for hypothyroidism, and I told him in the mean time, I had stopped taking it. So that made me wonder, if I don't need it, why the test results would have been good while I was on it. I had been off it for a few weeks, and really felt fine... The doctor told me that hormone has a half life, so really after just a few weeks, quite a bit was still built up in my blood stream. I had gotten to the point with my health that I just want to start with a clean slate, and then see. I stopped taking anything and everything (which mainly was the levothyroxine, vitamin B, and a multivitamin). Surprisingly enough, he was all for that. I'm going to go back the end of June and have my thyroid levels checked again.

When I say I stopped taking anything and everything, that includes my nightly glass of wine or gin and Squirt or Mango rum and Peach\Orange juice. Damn, that hurts! For the past 20 years or so, that has been one of my majorly enjoyed vices... a night cap. But in the last year, my sleep has really taken a turn for the worse. I have noticed a direct correlation to that one drink before bed... and fitful sleep. It's hard to believe, but after testing the theory for several weeks, it's without fail. If I drink even one glass of wine past 8:00 or so, I will have insomnia in the middle of the night. So no more alcohol during the week... Fridays, however, are mine!!!

I have definitely been feeling better, but the cramping following a hard workout still continues to plague me. After my ride\run brick on Thursday, I ran on Friday evening. It was hotter than hades out, and I was sore. It was an extremely difficult run... and I paid the price. Bad cramping until the following day (but at least there wasn't any blood involved!). Researching this a few months ago (when there was blood involved), I came across the term "condition the gut". I need to find more about what that means. I guess I'm not too smart; I went ahead and ran Saturday too, but kept it short (4 miles) and easy.

I was feeling back to normal today, so I went out for a 32 mile ride, followed by a 2.5 mile run, and then 500 yards in the pool. The pool was outside, and extra cold still... very refreshing on my sore body. I'm really encouraged by my rides so far; every time it gets a little easier, and I'm really feeling my legs come back. And today, for added measure, I wore my tri shorties! I felt great all day today (although I'm a little sore tonight). I'm thinking about my first 2009 race...

Thursday Night Intervals

What I learned today is, if your butt is used to the saddle, the little tri-shorties are fine and dandy (and yield a nice tan line for the shorts you wear the rest of the time). However, if your butt is soft and out of shape from not being in the saddle (and therefore, prone to getting sore), the $170 Cannondale Carbon shorts that span the length of your body from your knees to your boobs... well, they are priceless!

Today I struck out on my ride after work, and caught up with the Thursday night interval group. You can tell it's still early in the season... there were people scattered all over the route. I think the A group only had six riders. A guy passed me and I caught on to his wheel, and stuck with him for quite a ways. I told him I was glad he came along because I had begun to fall asleep at the handlebars. It's boring to ride alone, and I tend to go off into never never land and ride slower. Last year I always rode with you know who (and if you don't, it doesn't matter), and I really miss that. It was hard tonight riding behind that guy, not to imagine for just a minute that it was still last year... but it's not. And looking on the bright side, the view was more than fine and kept me motivated! :)

So I got in a 31 mile ride, followed by a couple mile run, and it was nice to see some familiar faces and talk to a few people I haven't seen in a while. Maybe Thursday night intervals will become my regular ride again!

Apples, Oranges, and the Truth: When Perception Isn’t Reality (Which is Most of the Time!)

I ran home on my lunch hour today to grab my workout gear and a sandwich. As usual, I turned on CNN, got my fill of that, and hit the up arrow on the remote which took me to Court TV (or whatever it is now… TruTV?). For the past few weeks or so they’ve been airing the trial of a police officer who, in pursuit of a speeder, ran a stop sign and smashed into another vehicle, killing the two occupants (two teen aged girls returning to grandma’s house after running out for milk… ugh).

I’ve only watched the trial for all of 30 minutes over the past few weeks, but it captivates my attention every time I switch it on. Today, in the amount of time I was watching, they were focusing on the officer’s statements following the accident, opposed to his statements now, and to those of other officers and witnesses. To argue the prosecution’s point that he was being dishonest, the defense brought in an expert on memory and perception. This is the part that got my attention.

The expert gave this example. A group of subjects is shown a series of slides, mostly depicting boring daily activities. In the series there are pictures of a woman grocery shopping. In one slide she is standing in front of a big pile of oranges. In the next slide, she is looking very startled, and there are oranges scattered all over the floor. Later, the subjects are shown a single slide of the woman picking one orange out of the bottom of the pile, and they are asked if they viewed this slide. The majority of the subjects, with a high degree of certainty, claimed they did see this slide. They hadn't seen it, but they inferred that’s what happened, and that inference (their perception) became real to them.

The expert was also talking about witness reliability, and how stress, emotions, environment, and other factors can impact recollection (it completely skews it, but people are not capable of recognizing this). What really struck me was the impact of misinformation. If someone tells you that John Doe cheated during the last triathlon, and intentionally cut the bike course short, and you are subsequently informed that that story was made up and not true… it doesn’t matter. Your psyche will continue to behave as if John Doe cheats during races.

Coincidentally, last night I was talking with a friend about the truths we can find in situations… if we are willing to acknowledge them. We often talk about the truth. Not only the old adage, the truth will set you free, but about how denying it can keep you from something that will likely be better. But it takes effort, a conscious decision, to look for and acknowledge what’s real. Because our psyches want to hold on to what we’ve been told, or what we perceived to be the truth… and unfortunately, all too often, that isn’t reality.

Law of Diminishing Returns?

I keep wondering if "at my age", I should expect to get faster. If a person's performance declines after a certain age (whatever that may be), but they are still increasing their fitness level and optimizing mechanics, can they reasonably expect to see an increase in their performance? Or is it more reasonable to expect performance to remain the same, or even decrease because of age? I have had a few people who are up there in the triathlon world tell me I have not reached my peak. I am hanging my hat on that!

I got out for a ride last night, and it was beautiful. Besides the numerous road kill this time of year (a huge snapping turtle, a big furry creature, and a big bird of some sort), it was an uneventful 25 mile ride. I hate to admit it was my first in quite some time... and my behind and "soft tissues" are no longer calloused! I am sore today!

Long Trip Alone

The day my brother died, he called a girl he had been dating months prior to that and asked her if she would try again. She said she cared a great deal about him, but she just didn't know what had changed that would make things any different. He told her he just wanted someone to love, and to love him. He was listening to the Dierks Bentley CD, Long Trip Alone. She said she loved him, and they could talk more about it later. Of course, that day never came; my heart went out to Deena (I love you, girl!).

I just got back from my run and was thinking about all the things I take on myself. I'm not complaining (this isn't "woe is me"), but I think all the soul wounds from my childhood make it difficult for me to trust anyone. And really, I'm not talking just about the intimate sense. From fixing my garage door opener, to taking my GPS watch apart, to fixing the crack in my basement foundation... I think I can do it myself. And not just do it, but do it just as good as (or better than) anyone else. It's kind of humorous, but when I got to thinking about it, it also has not always turned out the best. Fixing "things" is one thing, and for the most part that stuff usually turns out great (like all the things I listed above actually saved me hundreds of dollars and turned out fabulous!). But that mentality bleeds into other areas of my life, and some of the resulting decisions haven't turned out that great.

I once read that in adulthood we recreate the traumas of our childhood, in a subconscious effort to resolve them (which of course is impossible). And therein lies the cycle of abuse and dysfunction. So while I don't trust people in the tangible sense, when I probably should... I tend to trust people I probably shouldn't with my emotional well being, which inevitably leads to pain.

I guess I came full circle when thinking of my own pain, and relating to how my brother felt. Life is a long a trip alone, and I can't handle everything myself. Whenever I have tooled along without God in my life, thinking I know better and can make decisions as such, I have paid the price.

I am gravitating back to where I was a couple years ago, trusting more in God... and realizing that's a whole lot better than traveling alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long Trip Alone (Dierks Bentley)

It's a long trip alone
Over sand and stones
That lie along the road
That we all must travel down

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
'Cause it's a long trip alone

It's a short piece of time
but just enough to find
A little peace of mind
under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by
'Cause it's a short piece of time

And I don't know where I'd be without you here
'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yea, Yeah,
Yea, Yeah, Ohhhh

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Maybe I could feel you right beside me til' I'm home
'Cause it's a long trip alone
A long trip alone

Why Is It So Hard To Stop Before It Hurts?

Getting older sucks! Yes, I know... it's better than the alternative. Yada yada yada... Did you know that both hypothyroidism and Raynaud's is tied to autoimmune diseases in women? Yeah, me either. I think I blogged about having severe cramps after what turned out to be my last 10 mile run (I know, probably another case of TMI, but I actually passed blood for two days). I was feeling like shit anyway, just fatigued. After that, I decided pressing things wasn't worth my health, and began laying off a little. Then a couple weeks after that, I had a blood vessel spontaneously break in my... tongue! I was putting on my make-up before work, and all the sudden I felt my tongue begin to swell. I looked in the mirror, and the left side was completely purple... and big! It was alarming for a number of reasons (how could this happen, and why?), but the most obvious was I didn't want to suffocate! I looked and saw my phone on the night stand, and just waited to see. The swelling remained but stopped...

Later I called the doctor (the fabulous, gorgeous, and awesome Dr. Vahabzedeh), and they said it was likely fine, and to come in the next day. He came in the room and of course had to ask me about my "ass"... I can't tell you how nice it is to have a doctor who sincerely cares about your ass (ha, he was referring to all the MRSA stuff). Good there... then he cut to the chase. Which was, all this stuff I'm experiencing could be related to an autoimmune disease. They took blood, and I don't know anything yet, but I'm assuming it can't be that bad since that was three weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything. I have a follow up appointment next week.

After all that, two things happened. First, for the couple days after, I was kicking myself for taking my health for granted. What if it was something serious, what if what if what if. For fear of a blood vessel spontaneously breaking, say, in my brain... I quit working out. For one month I have done nothing... except work in and around my house. And I think obsessively about how much fitness I am losing, and not racing. Man, I am tired of those thoughts!!! I don't know what bothers me more, not racing, or the thought of not being in good physical condition.

The good news is, I am feeling a little better. I am beginning to sleep better again, and the lay off has done me good. This week I decided to start back slowly... until I figure out what's going on with my health. I ran a few days ago, and could only make it 4.5 miles because of pain, and that was with stops in there. OMG... terrible. And for two days following, I was sore! I know the sensible thing is to get back into running by starting with a couple miles, and increase slowly. I know it won't take long to work back up. Today I went out and... no pain for 4.5 miles.

I took it easy, and after three miles was thinking "just stop before it hurts". Then tomorrow or the next day go a little further, but stop before it hurts. But why is that so hard to do??? By the time you feel pain, damage is done and it's too late, and in the end it costs you more than if you had stopped. And then I started thinking about all the things in life that that can apply to...